Why don’t I look like that?

Body confidence, self-love and happiness are the main things I’m striving for. And now more than ever, I feel we should really support each other as so many of us go on that journey to self-acceptance. 

If you ask anyone, they’d probably tell you I ooze confidence, that I’m comfortable getting involved in conversations, I will happily stand in front of people and present work, I post daily snaps on Instagram, and when I go to the gym, I have no problem doing my workouts for all the other people in the gym to see. But that isn’t enough to suggest I’m a confident person or that I’m totally happy in my own skin – and I think that in itself is enough to make people think a little bit more before they make an assumption on another person. I know it has definitely opened my eyes up to realise that not everything is as it seems.

As you can probably tell, this is something I am extremely passionate about and something very important to me. So I thought I’d share my views on what I think is holding me back and stopping me from having those three things I mentioned above; body confidence, self-love and complete happiness.

  1. The Media. This is such a big issue. The media has so much power and spends so much time telling us what’s ‘on-trend’, ‘in fashion’ or even worse, what the media classifies as ‘ugly’ or the ‘wrong kind of style or shape’. If I talk about the media for too long, I might end up throwing my laptop out of the window (and that wouldn’t be sensible now would it), so I’ll keep this section short. So much of the media is consumed of body shaming and speaking negatively about people. A real ‘wow what is wrong with the world?’ moment for me was when someone at work was reading The Sun and they pointed out an article which was called ‘Mariah Curvey’ instead of ‘Mariah Carey’ and I just couldn’t believe that a publication would be allowed to write such words (I know it’s The Sun, but still). – and in no way did that article celebrate the confidence she appeared to have on stage. And from that, the rest of the press jumped on to it and completely pulled her apart.
  2. Social Media Influencers. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not in anyway saying ALL influencers have a negative impact on my confidence, absolutely not, I’m speaking about the minority. Trust me, there are so many influencers who inspire me on a daily basis and are out there doing amazing things and bringing such positivity to the world. And I can’t emphasise that enough. However, there is a handful (or two) that let the team down and promote objects, products, body types, food etc… for all the wrong reasons (for money) with no knowledge of what they are promoting. Meanwhile, thousands of girls/boys are buying into it because ‘if this influencer recommends it, it must be true/right’ which is just awful. Don’t get me wrong I love Kylie Jenner’s make up range, but the fact that she has now normalised lip fillers and everything of that sort is really worrying to me. It’s no wonder why people are concerned they are not good enough anymore – we should be learning to embrace our flaws because that is what makes us, us.
  3. Comparison is the thief of joy. So I found this quote on Instagram and it couldn’t be any more fitting for my life right now. It’s probably the main reason I lack so much confidence, self-love and happiness. I’ll be the first admit I spend far too many hours in of the day comparing myself to others. ‘Why don’t I look like that’ is probably the most common thing that comes to mind, along with many other similar lines too. The problem with this is not only that it’s unhealthy, but I am also spending precious time comparing myself to the most perfect representation of someone else – a screenshot of their life at its very best. And it definitely doesn’t stop there, I also compare how much I’m lifting to others at the gym and what I’m eating, you name it, I compare it to someone else. And this is no doubt, one of the biggest challenges I face and must overcome at the moment.

I’ve always been extremely passionate about empowering others and making people feel good. And I guess in some ways, we all need that. For some people, it helps them get through the day a little easier. But at some point, the ultimate goal is to be so happy in our own skin to the point where we don’t care enough about what others think. So that when we get a compliment, It feels great and we appreciate it, but it isn’t the only thing that makes us feel good about ourselves as we are doing that on our own anyway. And I guess that’s similar to negative comments, we all want to be at a point where the negatives don’t affect us half as much because we have that inner confidence and reassurance in ourselves.

It has taken me quite a while to realise that I do all these things which lead to such a bad mindset, so it’s now about taking the required steps to change my mind into a positive one. For me, the next few months/years, however long it takes, will be spent just focusing on myself and finding ways to overcome all these things. It’s definitely not an overnight fix.

If anyone has gone through a similar thing or is currently going through this, I would love to be able to help in any way I can, even if that’s sharing stories! So please feel free to drop a comment below or contact me directly on Instagram! It would honestly make my day!

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and it’s helped you in some way. I also hope it hasn’t been too much of debbie downer. It’s a subject I feel really strongly about, now more than ever and something I wanted to share with you all.

Thanks for reading! Nicole x


3 thoughts on “Why don’t I look like that?

  1. My lord, I honestly felt like I wrote this!
    I think exactly this way! :O:O

    I am always looking at instagram photos thinking, ‘why can’t I look like her’ or ‘why can’t I be skinny like her?’
    I am constantly comparing myself to those around me.
    Even in my office, that girls pretty, that girl is skinny, it’s hard.

    What is pretty? Todays society have classed only certain things that are ‘pretty’ whether that’d be tanned skin, thigh gap, white teeth, eating salad.
    We live in a hard world, & its difficult to fit in.

    I enjoyed reading your post, thank you for posting.
    It is nice to know that I am not along ❤ ❤


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